The Guide To Facebook Girls (A weridesepta repost)

Hey people as you can see, AOVW was long due for a make over! Haha don't get used to this, it's all subject to change...unless you like it. Yes, dear Reader, the power to choose which style AOVW will take on is in your hands, and all you have to do is leave one measly comment.

Anyways, I was scrolling through one of my personal favorite blogs, weridesepta today and I came across one of their posts which I thought was way too funny to be lost under the piles of straight awesome they got goin on over there. So I decided I'd repost here. If you like this post check out some of their other stuff! If not, eat shit and die a slow, miserable death. I joke, I joke! This is the guide to getting an e-ho on Facebook. (Oh and btw "cuh" is a term of amity, someone you can relate to. Kinda like "bro" or "ma".)

Part one: The Mutual stranger.

It happens to all of us but it got you by the heart. You were nonchalantly scanning the homepage in search of a familiar face, your eyes slid to the right, and your heart stopped. Inside of the tiny box in the upper corner, was a beautiful face. Underneath it read, "She doesn't know you. Add her anyway". So you did it. Three months, and forty visits to her page later, you've still yet to say anything. The only things that connected you were the seven mutual friends in the middle left. At parties you would see her from afar, you were only there because you had seen that she'd replied as "attending" to certain events. You'd half approach her several times, and maybe give her a meek "hello", and when you'd walk away, head down, she'd whisper to her friends about that weird kid from facebook who she doesn't actually know.
Fear not cuh. There is only one way to deal with mutual strangers, aggression.

Step one: Use mutual friends to your advantage. Before the add, you must do some investigating. Open up your aim box, and talk to that mutual friend, or two. Find out if she is actually an e-ho. If she is not, than do not proceed to step two. Instead, ask that mutual friend to suggest an e-ho. Facebook is not always so reliable with their suggestions.

Step two: Once you have confirmed that The Mutual stranger is an e-ho you must begin getting buzz. Now, be warned getting facebook buzz is not easy. It requires a lot of typing, and a lot of luck. First, write on that mutual friends wall, mention something that you are probably not actually going to do, but sounds cool. Next, add a friend of hers, preferably one who isn't all that attractive. Once the request has been accepted you really only have to do one thing, use the like button to your advantage. The Like button will be your closest friend during this entire guide, so prepare to use your mouse.

She posts a profile picture? You better like that shit. AND leave a nice comment, "I like your style! : )" even if you don't. Does she post a status saying, "He don't des3rv3 m3. Wa!t!n f0h my pr1nc3.", you better like that shit too. Say something about how yes, you men are scumbags. Any female who is scanning their mini-feed and happens to come across this particular status or photo that you've commented on will see how unlike other males you are, they will add you too. Their boyfriends will also add you because they will want to see just how you have the internet going nuts. This will get you buzz and e-ho's for many days to come.

Step Three: Hopefully that last step got you enough buzz to have the chosen Mutual Stranger comment on something that you've said. Now, you have every reason in the world to make this mutual stranger, just a stranger! You've come far. Now you get to add her.
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Part Two: The Friend Request

You worked very hard to get to this point. Actually you should be very proud of yourself, you've made a new friend who will end up benefiting you, and you've finally worked up the courage to add the once "Mutual Stranger". But don't let that confidence get to your head just yet, there is now very little room for error. Everything from this point on has to be precise. We, Hezekiah and Nya are your friends and would not steer you away from the goal. Trust in this guide and everything will be fine. Carry on.

Step one: Type her name in the search box as you have 137 times before. But this time instead of salivating over her pictures we ask that you press the add as friend button. Careful, we know that the add personal message option is tempting but you will have to refrain. It turns out that most people are not generally receptive of, "I have been watching you for awhile and have schemed in order to have a chance at you accepting this add. I love you, be my e-ho.". Just send the request, no extras.

Once you do this, there is really no going back and if you are not willing to follow the steps proceeding this one, do not bother. You see young reader, if you half-ass any of these steps, not only are you a pussy but, you will have a mutual stranger, as a friend, and she will likely think to herself when she see's you "whothefuckisthiskid?".We do not wish that upon you. Follow the guide.

Step Two: Assuming she accepts the add (which she will because you've got more buzz than a bee hive now) you have to wait a few days to make your move(s). Since you now have full access to her page, take a look around. Press that info button, see what she likes. Once you have memorized every song by all of her favorite artists, rented seasons of her favorite shows, and have studied her religion you can than choose to post a link. We find that a link to a music video (with lyrics written above by you) is always a good option. Choose a love song, we like "Nobody" by Keith Sweat. She is not guaranteed to comment this or "like" it. Carry on still.

Step Three: Sit at your computer for 26 hours straight. This seems drastic, I know. But you must memorize the times that she gets online. And also what she generally contributes to the feed. Once this has been done, you have earned yourself some rest. Go to sleep.

Step Four: After you've rested for approxiamately Eight or Nine hours you wil need to get up and go back on the computer. Since you've now memorized her facebook habits you really don't have to sit there all day, go get a drink. You deserve it at this point. However make sure to be at the computer 5 minutes before her regularly scheduled sign on, and 5 minutes after.

Step Five: Now exactly 3 minutes after she signs on, you're going to have to facebook IM her. Be chill about it though cuh, nothing throws an e-ho off like a "hello". You see a "hello" differs greatly from a "wassup girl". Assuming you've picked a TRUE e-ho, she's going to want a "wassup". "Hello" says I'm willing to just be a friend who you talk to occasionally but find creepy on the low. If you use hello, she is guaranteed to ignore your ass a few times. You use hello when you are following another guide, not this one. Now that you have internet buzz, you have to radiate that We Ride Septa steez.

Step six: Cut right to the chase cuh. If she's going to be your e-smut than there really cannot be any beating around the bush. After she responds to your opening line, have a chat about school, work, whatever. Once that has been done you let her know that you expect her to join all of your groups, make you fan signs, like your pictures, and like your statuses. If she says no, than she is not an e-ho. Start again from Part one. But if she says yes than we have served you well. Congratulations cuh, you are officially gettin them e-ho's all crazy.