Christmas Memories (TOP TEN LIST)

So it's that time of year again folks, Christmas time! I mean errr the holidays...sorry about that Kwanzaa. Lol Kwanzaa. But anyway December being the last month of the year, is usually dedicated to taking a look back. Today will be no different as I would like to give you a list of the Top Ten Christmas gifts of all time. (Remember this is my personal list, because I can only speak for myself.) So lets delve into my own personal psyche and take a walk down nostalgia avenue, right next to basic brain functions boulevard, and suppressed memory lane. Just to clarify, the scale goes from 10 to 1, 1 being the best, and 10 being.... the 10th best. Oh and I'm obviously not including anything from this year, as it hasn't happened yet.


10. Communion Wafers (No seriously)

Blegh, just the thought of these Styrofoam bastards makes me cringe to my core. Ok, so maybe they aren't actually made of styrofoam, but they sure as hell taste like it. It's one thing that Catholics actually believe that they are eating the body of Christ, but to not even have him taste delicious? You tell me whats blasphemy! You may be asking, "But why are they on this list if you can not stand them in the least?" Ok well heres the skinny. Do people say that? Any who my grandfather insists on handing them out to everyone each Christmas, I'm not even religious, but out of politeness I always take a piece and choke it down. However the main reason I have this on my list, is that despite its horrifying lack of taste, and cannibalistic implications, the thought is that it will somehow save my soul yes? Now that has to be worth something right?..... Right guys?

9. GPS

Ha, this is another funny one. I didn't even receive this gift, instead I was the one who gave it to my Mother. However the reason its on my list of greatest Christmas presents is that it has relieved me of the fear of constantly getting lost. My Mom is not the best with her spacial awareness. You know that saying about getting lost in a paper bag? My Mom would probably have trouble finding the bag. So this little baby has not only helped her get to new and interesting places, but has helped slow the inevitable stress tumor from devouring my innards. Also it really comes in handy when I need a ride home from a far distant land.

8. GTA San Andreas

Ok here we go. Finally we have passed the bad joke selections and landed on the real deal. Grand Theft Auto San Andreas, probably the coolest thing ever...back then. At a time when I probably shouldn't have had Grand Theft Auto, I somehow managed to convince my Mom to get it for Christmas. Oh Glory, you could ride bikes in this one, and you were black. HOW COOL IS THAT!? (Man I am going to have to apologize to Jesse Jackson after this blog post) I was in love with that game, there was a never ending amount of people to shoot, things to steal, and things to blow up. Maybe even to a fault.(Most of the people I know never actually played through the story) With all the improvements that were made to GTA4, I don't actually think I could go back to San Andreas... So while the gift itself was alright, I think this one made the list because I wasn't supposed to have it. It made me feel dirty...in a good way.



7.Wrestlers


If you know me personally, you would be aware of the fact that I have had an on and off love affair with professional wrestling my entire life. Want to hear a rant? Ask me about people who say that professional wrestling is fake, and I will go off on a tirade about how it is really a form of performance art, and that its Shakespeare for the masses, yadda yadda yadda. The point is I love wrestling, but back in the mid to late 90's EVERYONE DID! That only made getting wrestler action figures on Christmas even more special. I was crazy for those things. I think I may even have a few laying around somewhere, possibly on my dresser who knows...cough. Masked Kane is the greatest by the way. Anywho, these things were fantastic, and almost all of my friends had them as well, which is why they get my number 7 slot.

6.ANY WRESTLING GAME EVER...actually Here comes the Pain.

This one was hard, but it segways from number 7 nicely. Listen guys, I have a love for wrestling, and a love for games. So obviously I love wrestling games.


I mean cmon look at this commercial.

Well I used to at least. The smackdown series went from fun fast paced wrestling game, to a dull and boring "simulation", with spotty controls, and idiotic collision detection. So I decided to pick what I consider to be the best of the entire series, and that happens to be WWE Here Comes the Pain. While recent smackdown games have become monotonous, Here Comes the Pain was the perfect balance of over the top action and balance. Plus it had Brock Lesnar, which is always a plus in my book. Here Comes the Pain was just plain fun, and I would argue that it is still the best American made wrestling game. (I think the best wrestling game would have to be Fire Pro Returns, but thats just me) But I would play the crap out of the smackdown games, because they had almost limitless re playability. Combined with my nerdy social isolation, and an overactive imagination, creating my own story-lines and wrestlers never got old

5.PS1

Oh yeah baby this is the beginning of it all. Back when all I had to my name was a game boy pocket and a copy of Game and Watch Gallery, I longed to have a console of my very own. I would go to the houses of friends and family and look at their n64s, super nintendos, and the genesis-es, and I would be all like "YO WTF I WANT DIS" and so one fateful Christmas I opened my stocking and out popped (by popped I mean I struggled for like ten minutes) a copy of Crash Bandicoot. "Why would I need Crash Bandicoot unless somewhere under the tree rested a ps1?" What was my reaction to this somewhat poorly planned surprise? More or less this with a ps1.



4.Crash Team Racing

So I just realized that most of this list is going to consist of video games, or video game accessories. What can I say? I like what I like. But if you no like, perhaps skipping to number 1 would be best. Otherwise lets continue th- OH MY FUCKING GOD CRASH TEAM FUCKING RACING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What can I say about this game? It is absolute perfection. Well as far as a Kart Racer can be considered perfection. This game was fantastic, you get to play as all of your favorite characters like Doctor N. Gin, and Pura the cat thing.... Ok so the characters are not as memorable as the cast from that other Kart racer, but the game play was arguably equal, if not better. (methinks better) Rather than merely picking up power ups, CTR took a page out of the original Super Mario Kart, requiring you to pick up fruit in order to increase your speed. This game actually requires skill, unlike oh I dunno Mario Kart wii,in which you could loose to a dying fish if somehow he managed to get a blue shell or one of the other unbalanced power ups. YAY FOR CASUAL RANDOMNESS MAKING SOCCER MOMS FEEL BETTER ABOUT THE FACT THAT THEY ARE SHIT AT GAMES! Well anyway, you could race with your friends on split screen co-op just like the plumber, and you could play as this adorable polar bear named Polar. Polar's my favorite. :D



PS. I forgot to mention it but my Mom redeemed her sneakiness with this one. After opening up gift after gift of socks and shirts, she finally handed me another clothing box filled with the games that I actually asked for. Oh tricky mother.

3.Gameboy Color Green

So this beat out the ps3 huh? Wowzers there better had be a good reason behind this. Well rest easy citizens, as their is. It was from my Dad, and it was completely unexpected. I give my Dad a hard time about his gift giving record, but in reality he has given me some pretty awesome things. This however, oh god, this will never be topped. It can't be. At the time, I didn't really think to much of my Dads gifts aside from a sweet batman I got for my fourth birthday, but that would all change. Around Christmas he asked what I wanted for Christmas, and I replied a gameboy color, knowing that he would laugh it off because of the price.(You have to remember these things were new and expensive) But to my surprise I actually got it! WHAT? THATS INSANITY. Maybe it was the fact that I was still somewhat of an only child (I can't remember), mixed with the fact that I've never really asked for much, but I ACTUALLY GOT IT. Not only was it the coolest thing to have at the time, but it was so unexpected and heartfelt that it managed to remain in my mind as one of the greatest Christmas gifts of all time. HI DAD! GOOD JOB! (He reads these)

2. Ps3

My ps3 is my boo, my soul, my everything. People who know about my obsession can only cringe at the way in which I love this material object. LIKE A FUCKING SON TO ME. Any who yeah I love the ps3, but what makes it special is the fact that my Mom somehow managed to get a ps3 the year it came out. I take back what I said about getting lost in a paper bag, because being able to find one of these things back then, was like finding the Holy Grail.


1. Sebastian

Heres a funny story for you guys. As a child I loved the movie 101 Dalmatians, and so I asked my Mom for "Pongo" for Christmas. I was referring to toy dogs, not the actual thing. However it would probably the best misinterpretation ever, as my Mom actually got a puppy named Sebastian. I was about four at the time and somehow the dog managed to run into my room on Christmas morning, drag me downstairs by my pajama bottoms and begin to run around the house (as only puppies can do). I began to cry (as only little kids can do) "Mommy make Santa take him back!" Hahaha and while I may have wanted a redo that day, Sebastian became like an inter species brother to me. He was always there for me during some of the toughest times in my life, and without him my life wouldn't have been the same. I know this may sound cheesy and dumb, but I loved that Dog and he really was a part of our family. So even though I feel bad classifying him along side these other material goods, I couldn't in all good conscience, put another gift above him. Sadly Sebastian passed away a few years ago at 14, but the memories he and I forged together will last my lifetime.





So that was a little gay at the end there wasn't it? In fact I got myself a little choked up just writing this down. Well I hope everyone has a fabulous holiday season, no matter what you celebrate. I also hope that I helped establish a theme in this post, that it isn't really the gift that's important but the memories and experiences that come from it. Have a Happy Holiday guys, and be safe.