Rock of Ages (Not the Movie!)

Hey guys and gals! Today I want to discuss Rock Of Ages, a game that was actually released in 2011 for the Xbox 360. However it was recently released on Playstation Network, and that qualifies as "new" for me. Oh sorry if you mistook this for a review of the film. I have no intention of ever seeing that film because well.... yeah

So anyway, LET'S ROCK!

People complain about the overabundance of first person shooters these days, but tower defense games are just as widespread and perhaps even less inspired. We all know the formula, build up your defenses and hope that you can survive the oncoming onslaught of enemies. While Rock of Ages does stick to a very familiar formula, it’s commendable for at least trying to shake things up. Get it? Shake things up? Rock of Ages?

Not to be confused with the newly released film of the same name, Rock of Ages is a tower defense game in which you play a more active role in destroying the competition. You play as a giant rock! A rock with the ability to jump! Also you get to smash stuff! Throughout the campaign you play as Sisyphus as he attempts to escape the underworld by rolling his boulder towards anything that gets in his way. Along the way you will meet a lot of historical figures who are also attempting to roll you down with their own boulders. Ever want to crush Napoleon with a giant rock? Well you can do that in Rock of Ages.

The first thing you will notice about the game is its visual style. Remember those Monty Python animated shorts by Terry Gilliam? Well the game does more than simply take cues from that visual style, but for all intensive purposes copies it down to a tittle. Ha tittle. The enemies look like little paper cut outs, and the sound effects are appropriately immature and inane. The boulder also looks great in motion; the blurring effect really helps accentuate the sense of momentum. The presentation is fantastic, and is the best thing about the package.

Believe me, it's pretty.

While the game is really a sight to be seen, actually playing it can become a bit monotonous after awhile. The basic gist is that you roll your boulder down a hill and attempt to break your enemy’s door. At which point you can then flatten them into a pancake. However it’s not always as easy as it sounds. Enemies can place down defenses like giant elephants or tall towers that get in your way. It’s your job to maintain your momentum and keep your boulder safe. You can also place down defenses and shoot your opponents boulder in real time, but most of the units are ineffectual which makes the game feel more like a race than a strategic plan. My defensive plan ended up being “spam a whole lot of elephants,” and that’s no fun. The biggest obstacle in the game is time. Occasionally you will fall of the edge of the map, and while you take no damage the time lost can allow your opponent to slam their boulder into your door first.

The matches are really short too. Most of the time, the game will end in around 3 turns. While this may be good for playing a match or two at a time, sitting through multiple games becomes a chore as each match feels identical to the last. The single player has some keys to collect throughout the levels and some mediocre boss fights, but there really isn’t that much there to keep you going. The game offers a few extra modes like skee-ball which are fun about once. There is also local and online multiplayer, which you can play with a friend if you both made the mistake of purchasing this game.

While Rock of Ages makes a valiant attempt to change up the tower defense formula, the game is unbalanced and ultimately not fun as a result. If you are a huge fan of tower defense games or Monty Python, Rock of Ages may be worth looking at once the price drops. For us normal folks, Rock of Ages is a beautiful game that is almost as fun as watching paint dry.

 So there you go guys, another review bites the dust. This whole reviewing games bizznass is hard to keep going. Currently I'm working on a Kid Icarus review, so look for that in the near future. Till then, stay safe and be happy!