Shank 2 Review... I don't care much for this game.

Hey guys! So it's been a busy time for the players at AOVW recently. A lot has changed in the past month or so, and it's been a bit difficult to consistently post. But I'm sure you guys have heard this sob story before. "WAH WAH IT'S HARD TO RUN A PERSONAL BLOG. Cry me a river you jerk..." Hey don't be so harsh I do...stuff.  Well yeah, things are different now.

So anyway, I wanted to try something new! These are the times to try new things after all! Now I know that you all love video games right? Hahaha of course you do. So my plan is to write a review for every game released in 2012 that I manage to play. Already this is becoming a job rather than simply a pass-time. It's sort of a personal challenge so bear with me guys. That being said, not all of the games I play are always good. Without further ado Shank 2.

OSB

Let me just start off by saying I love big dumb action games. Not everything that is brainless is necessarily bad. Over the top action, giant set pieces, and tremendous violence can work wonders for an otherwise paint-by-numbers adventure. It works in both movies and games. However, when this approach works, it's usually because the action is doled out with a wink and a smile. The creators recognize the ridiculousness of the situation and they embrace it. Sure it's silly, but it ultimately makes for a fun experience because the audience can recognize that the minds behind the story are not taking themselves too seriously. 

  Then there is the series of bland 2-d beat-em-ups known as the Shank series. With the first Shank, I was initially taken in by the gameplay footage.

I mean who can really argue against juggling enemies with bullets and then finishing them off with a chainsaw. While the animation style was not really to my liking, I had to admit that it looked really good in motion. So I paid my 15 dollars (Yes 15 dollars), and what I got was a weird game about a series of murderers or something? In full disclosure the original Shank's story was so average and uninspired that I honestly couldn't have cared less. All I remember is that the gameplay was repetitive and boring, the story was aiming for shock value over actual substance, and it became slowly apparent through the course of my playthrough that the animation was barely a step above a typical E-surance commercial. 

Then came Shank 2. I vowed that I would not be taken in yet again. My money would go to better things I tell you! Well rest well tonight young readers, for I luckily did not pay for Shank 2.( It was free through Playstation +)

   Well what is there to say about Shank 2? It's pretty darn awful. While the first Shank had the advantage of surprise, the second iteration comes with little to draw you, and even less to keep you playing. (Unless you are a maniac.) While the first entry in the series tried and failed to mimic the intensity and humor found in a Tarantino film, the sequel gives up on that and decides to simply embrace its uninspired characters and plot by mimicking your basic jungle adventure. While the first Shank was weird, it was at least interesting and left me feeling something, which is more than can be said for Shank 2. 

Charisma at its finest right? Guys?

  Imagine our main protagonist is John Rambo if you replaced Stallone with perhaps a block of wood. The hero aptly named Shank, proves to be little more than a “I'm going to kill everything in my way and touch boobies and stuff” kind of guy. He is such a boring bro character, that I was actually ecstatic when the game finally allows you to play as one of the other generic booby ladies. If that wasn't enough, the game actually expects you to remember the specific events from Shank 2. (Honestly, I try not to think about Shank) So Shank is looking for some girl for some reason, and there are a bunch of bad guys in his way. TADA THERE IS YOUR STORY FOLKS.

Now while the story is abysmal, that's not really the point of a beat-em-up right? Yeah sure, Streets of Rage didn't really have a story, Double Dragon didn't really have a story, and the Ninja Turtles were freaking mutant turtles. While these games haven't aged particularly well, the gameplay was fun at the time, and made up for the non existent story. Shank 2 fails at having either a fun and interesting gameplay mechanic, or a compelling story. The entire package falls apart.

You play the game using a multitude of different weapons that you are supposed to use to chain combination moves together. You have your two types of short ranged melee both strong and weak, your projectile class (guns, knives, etc.), and you have your explosive class (grenades, molotovs, mines). While the diversity of the weapons is almost astounding for your average beat-em-up, the enemies are brutal and you will find yourself getting continuously juggled around the map. While old arcade brawlers were made to suck quarters out of the players, Shank 2 should have found a way to adapt to the changing times other than simply ramping up the difficulty to extend the length of the game.

The game also boasts about it's new combo meter. (Did the first Shank have a combo meter? God knows I don't remember.), but I could never get my combinations higher than 20 because I kept getting destroyed as your reaction time is skewed while waiting for each individual animation to finish. There are also new melee weapons that you can pick up like giant shovels and fish. The game seems to constantly throw new things at you as if it's pleading with you to see how much it has tried to improve. Turret sequences, counter attacks, and in game achievements for completing a certain number of tasks, are just some of the new features in Shank 2. Oh and there is also a cooperative horde mode with Zombies, because Zombies are like OMG TOTES KEWL RITE GUIZE?

  Shank 2 is a bad game. The bosses are horrible and obnoxiously difficult, the characters are flat and uninteresting, and the gameplay is simply not fun for long periods of time. If you simply must play Shank 2 after my glowing endorsement, I suggest you play it in small bursts for the most fun. Like most side scrolling beat-em-ups, Shank 2 is fun momentarily, and even managed to make me smile as I gracefully dodge a giant enemy forcing him to hurt his friends. The problem is that a lot of the coolest moments involve the basic platforming, or in some cases the cutscenes.

                                        What the hell, I would have loved to do that in game.

The gameplay can be smooth once in a blue moon, but the 2-d side scrolling beat-em-up is archaic and boring at its core. It also doesn't help that the game seems to take itself seriously, while at the same time toting cannibalistic and hedonistic cults of busty women. If you consider yourself a master at beer pong, and tend to breathe through your mouth, then Shank 2 is the game for you buddy. However if you want a beat-em-up with style, class, and humor, there is always Castle Crashers.

YAY

So I guess the moral of the story is play Castle Crashers? I dunno. Well that is the first review of what is sure to be an arduous task, so stay tuned for my imminent demise in front of a keyboard. Till next time make sure that you all stay happy and safe! See you soon!