It's crunch time ladies and germs, so you'll excuse me if my post is a little lacking in quantity. It would actually be a smart idea to use this time to work on studying some inorganic bio, which I'm slacking in considerably, but typing a post is a lot more fun.
Speaking of which, I would absolutely love to meet the person who stood up one day at a science convention and said "Hey, let's take biology and split it into two different, completely opposite courses!" I'm not going to be a nurse, but I feel bad for the nursing students who have to learn Inorganic Biology, then next semester throw all of that shit they learned, all of the hours they spent in front of a text book and all the money they spent on Aderrall out of the window to learn about Organic shit. At least that's how I think it works, I could be mistaken.
Anyways, it just doesn't make sense. I wonder if there's a way to study just inorganic classes and get your MD in Paper or Dirt. I could see how that would suck though. Consider this situation:
"Oh my God, is there a doctor in the house!? My grandmother just collapsed!!"
"Yes, I am a doctor!"
"Help me!!"
"Oh...whoops. I'm sorry, I specialize in plastic spoons. Looks like she's going to die though."
Yeah, inorganic doctors are not a smart idea...
Which leads me to my next topic. I want to teach you how to be smart.
Which is impossible. Either you're smart or you're not, I can't help you there. But don't give up hope yet, Reader! For those of you who aren't the sharpest knives in the drawer, I've put together a couple ways to make yourself seem just as smart as anybody else. You'll be the envy of all your friends and the subject of everybody's desire. The intelligence you seemingly have will make actual smart people stop and actually listen to you. And if you practice really hard, you can even become the president of the United States!! (See: Every politician since the dawn of time.)
Step 1: Disagree. A lot. Even if you don't completely understand the topic of conversation, a simple "I disagree with that" or "I'm not so sure I buy that" will suffice.
As a matter a fact, just seem skeptical in general.
Everybody knows smart people have opinions, and no two are the same. So if you disagree with people, they will revel in your intelligence. They'll see how unique and against the grain your ideas are. This is a great way to seem smarter.
Step 2: Look up three-or-more syllable words in the dictionary and use them as a last minute H-bomb to completely decimate your opponent's argument. Tip: Only use the word you choose every once in a while. Overkill will show how actually not smart you are. Here's an example conversation:
Opponent: "All I'm saying is that in the times of the late antiquity and such; there was a general sense that the idea of a theocracy should never have garnered so much attention. Saint Augustine even began to examine and distinguish the relationship between The City of God and The Earthly City, which were two influential yet separate entities. How could you possibly take the exhausted stance that claims the church and state should be one entity once again!?"
You: "Simple, I took a pseudoantidisestablishmentarianistic stance to liven the conversation!!"
This also ties in with my first tip. You disagreed with the guy AND you used a hefty word, which will stand as a testament to your seemingly immense vocabulary. Everybody laughs and claps. You're the life of the party. You're welcome.
Step 3: Use the word 'ultimately' to conclude your paragraphs. This is one I see sportscasters do a lot. It just makes what you just said seem so much classier.
If someone wasn't paying attention to what you said, the moment you use the word 'ultimately' they know they missed out on some shit.
Step 4: Walk away. I can't stress this enough. After doing any of the three things above and subsequently ending an argument, walk the fuck away.
You know who sticks around after making a good point? Stupid people. Every extra second you spend standing there just gives you more of an opportunity to let something stupid slip out.
If you walk away after disagreeing, dropping your H-bomb with 'ultimately', everybody will be left wondering how they can get as smart as you are. Thanks for reading!
Good stuff!!
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